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WHO IS SICKER?
DECIDER:
Unfortunately, for the last eight months, the question “What’s it like to have sex with Donald Trump?” has been at the forefront of American culture. On Tuesday night, the now-infamous porn star Stormy Daniels answered that question in graphic detail during a sit-down with Jimmy Kimmel (and Sarah Paulson, who was there too, for some reason). During the almost 10-minute long segment, Daniels discussed meeting Trump at his hotel room in the mid-2000s, spanking the future-president with a magazine, and praying “for death” while having sex with him. In one particularly memorable moment, Daniels picked out which mushroom most resembles Trump’s penis from a lineup of very orange fungi, because that’s just how 2018 rolls.
Daniels alleges that in the mid-2000s, she and Trump had an affair in his hotel room in Lake Tahoe. What she thought was a dinner meeting quickly turned into something else — Trump was only interested in “dessert,” as Daniels told Kimmel — and it became clear that he wanted to sleep with her. Trump then picked up a magazine with his face on it, and Daniels spanked him with it.
“What does he do? Like when you spank Donald Trump, is he like—?” asked Kimmel. “Is he leaning forward and going like, ‘Oooh?’” Daniels laughed and then asked the golden question: “Do you want me to show you?” Obviously Kimmel said yes, and Daniels spanked him with her book, Full Disclosure, as he made funny faces (it feels like a stretch to call them “suggestive”).
When they sat down, Kimmel got into the nitty gritty (no, the “germaphobe” president didn’t use a condom). “And you made love?” asked the host. Daniels immediately recoiled. “Gross. What’s wrong with you?” she asked. “I laid there and prayed for death.”
At the end of the segment, Kimmel quoted Daniels’ book, in which described Trump’s penis as a having “a huge mushroom head, like a toadstool.” To help viewers get a better picture of Trump’s junk, Kimmel pulled out a display of very orange mushroom heads. “Picking it out of a lineup, which of these mushrooms, orange mushrooms, would most represent the Commander in Chief of the United States military?” he asked. Daniels, always in on the joke, asked if he could “hold it up so that it’s coming at [her] at the correct angle.” Needless to say, Daniels picked the smallest mushroom head.
